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"Idol Hands"

This song has been chilling in my project files as an instrumental for a good few years now. At one point, I had just abandoned it with a bunch of other stuff I was working on. As it turns out, the song would go on to have the most lyrical significance out of all the songs I've written.

Somewhere around the end of 2019 and the beginning of 2020, I lost all my care and confidence when it came to making videos or music. Nothing ever felt good enough. I had a complete loss in confidence and it meant that I let a lot of things slip away from me. Times where I should've been striving, it felt like I was just detatched from reality. Of course, the current times didn't help that fact considering we were all stuck inside. I had (and still have) a lot of conflicting thoughts about how things have been. I feel like being absent from making videos had left some expectation that if/when I eventually came back to it, people would expect a lot (despite this pressure only existing from myself). I had let the idea of disappointing the people who love watching my videos get to my head too much, so I continued to stay absent not only on YouTube but every other platform I had.

so with all of this and more in mind, I wrote random sentiments in what I would basically call a diary, some entries being long paragraphs, others being as simple as a sentence or a single word. Rather than keeping these entries as a reminder of uncertain times, I used it to form lyrics, lyrics that would eventually become this song.

the title was originally spelled "Idle Hands" referring to the fact that I had been neglecting my talents, never touching my guitar or practising my singing. I changed the spelling of idle to "Idol" to symbolize the pressure I felt about keeping up with expectations, either from an audience or even just from myself. It's stupid, I know. I'm a meme channel. I shouldn't feel pressured about making 20 second videos lmao. it is what it is.

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